sex, psyche, & women

      

           Often times, when contemplating life’s many dynamic tracts, I will sit on my tiny apartment roof, smoking cigarettes, drinking a beverage (tea, 4loco? Who knows what kind of mood I’m in), watching college hooligans play golf on the course parallel to my building, perhaps reading a bit of Game of Thrones here and there, just for inspiration. Today one of my dearest single comrades joined in the vinostorm (its like a brain storm, but with vino). She was chastising me today for not having enough casual sex, “we need to get you laid,” she so sassily commented, malbec in one hand, Turkish royal in another. 

            This made me wonder, “why is it that I coach you on dating and you coach me on promiscuity? I just don’t get the point, it seems exhausting.”

            She waves her hand, “girl, (what women say when we really want to get serious) the fucking point is that sex is awesome.”

            “Yes thank you I am aware, but it’s like I don’t want to engage in a behavior that I know will end up fucking with my head. I know it will never be fulfilling to just ‘get fucked’ so therefore I don’t do it. How do you do it?”

            She raises her eyebrows, “I just give zero fucks,” pauses for a drag, “that’s the key to casual relations.” We both sip our stem-less glasses and watch some failed golf-swings.

            “I call bull-shit. You give so many fucks. You just repress them and one day you will have to fish out all that hurt, shame and blame when you finally find out you can’t open up to a man.”

            “Fuck you and your psych degree,” she smirks, “whatever I still think we should get you laid this weekend.”

            Why is it that sex grapples women’s psyches so? If I were to think of one thing that all women struggle with (what besides body image, blackheads, and that damn $8 nailpolish that only lasts 5 days. Yes, I use a top-coat) it would be sexual relationships. Let’s explore.

            First off, let me ardently refute a ubiquitous myth about sex: the idea that men are devoid of insecurities and emotions surrounding sex. Men give the same kinds of fucks we do, just in different flavors and magnitudes. I think men just connect to sex in such a primal way, they’re minds don’t fuck up the experience by over-thinking every little detail or scenario.

            I think this is where most all of us women go wrong: we over think EVERYTHING. We are so in our heads that we misinterpret the moment. And I know it is hard, because when you get down to it, it isn’t just you and your new-found-man-sauce who is in the room; it is all of the past relations, patterns, resentments, jealousies, insecurities, you get the idea. How do we let go and just ‘be in the moment’? *sidenote: I bet Buddhists have mad awesome sex.

            Well I suppose I shall end this snid-bit like any other cliché self-discovery story, live your fucking dreams and be present with your relations. Because its like, “hey, were all fierce little monsters. If you are not being treated in your sexual relationships how you deserve, then fuck him (not literally).” Our past selves constantly talk smack about how we always screw up; our future selves spit game about who we will become; but we have total control over our current selves. When we are present we can truly recognize whether this relationship, this behavior, this thought, this emotion is conducive for our overall awesomeness. I know it sounds crazy and is truly difficult to employ, but we do have control over every thought, every emotion, every sexual encounter; these are all choices in the amalgamation of choices that make up your unique phenomenal self. My eldest sister would always tell us youngins to, “make good choices!” and I guess this is truly the soundest advice one could offer.