I have been facilitating support
groups for survivors of domestic violence at the YWCA for over a year now. Yet
after ever group, I come home buzzing with inspiration—I get high off the women's
resilience and gentle wisdom.
Tonight we were talking about
happiness as a general topic and they came up with some salient insights. We
started off by making a list of ‘commandments’ that we would like to live by in
order to increase our happiness/satisfaction in life. Here are some tidbits,
1.
show up
2.
be grateful
3.
be authentic
4.
relish the moments
5.
don’t be afraid to
be a few minutes early
6.
walk away before
trying to change others or change yourself for others
7.
enjoy the process
8.
identify the problem
9.
let it go
10.
do what ought to be
done
11.
act the way you want
to feel
12.
love,love,love
yourself
A moment of hope I experienced
when reading through these and hearing the women talk about their
‘commandments,’ was how happiness unearthed itself to me as a matter of choice.
As a group we reconciled with the fact that we have the power to rewrite our
energies into something beautiful or destructive—it is a matter of choosing the
light.
A second list we began to
generate were some ‘secrets to adulthood;’ in other words, what would you tell
yourself as an 80year old woman that you wish 20year old you would have known?
This is what came up:
1.
its okay to ask for
help-it doesn’t have to be a crisis. One woman said, “Asking for help is a gift
to your friends—it lets them know that you value their support.”
2.
Bring a
sweater—always be prepared and streamline your ‘tools’ for coping with a
situation so as to shortcut any unnecessary stress.
3.
People don’t notice
your mistakes as much as you think
4.
Do your
research—shop around before you make a big decision. Be it with tattoos,
relationships, schools, shoes, cars, big trips. Take your time and be patient
with your choices.
5.
Read the directions
6.
Embrace your inner
child
7.
Keep some chocolate
nearby
8.
Recognize the glory
of inaction
9.
Learn the value of
failure. Failure instigates growth—if we aren’t struggling to grow, we are
merely surviving. You have to push those boundaries and be willing to fail.
10.
Own your
successes—allow yourself to have goals even if you’re scared you can’t reach
them.
11.
Ask questions before
you make assumptions—COMMUNICATE your needs and valuable perspective
12.
“What is the big
deal? You can always paint over it with another color,”—one woman reflected
after contemplating the stress of painting her new house and reveling in the
malleability of life’s hues.
These phenomenal women inspire me
to live a more authentic life. And to end with a celebration of that fact, this
is the reading I closed group with:
Live
As long as you’re alive, why not
live? Live life to the fullest. Live it up. Live in the moment. Live as though
you had only twenty-four hours to live. Live the life you’ve always wanted.
Live for yourself—not for others, alive or dead. Live on the edge a bit; it’s
the only place from which you can take a leap. Live the life that is yours
alone. Live wherever you want, with whomever you want, however you want, but
live! Don’t just get a life—create one. Don’t just step into someone else’s
life—design your own. Don’t confuse real life with what you see on TV or at the
movies. Live free or die (even if you are not from New Hampshire). Live so that
when you’re dead, people will remark less on what you did in life—and more on
how you lived.
On that note, I shall depart from
the inter-web in an effort to live by these lists of 12.
No comments:
Post a Comment