I was listening to a podcast on Philosophy Bites the other day, On Love. It was saying how love is in a sense a backward
and forward movement in that all love seeks some recognition or resolve of a
lost past and is always seeking to fulfill a possible future. I like to think
of Love’s energy in terms of hummingbird wings, an infinite motion using
knowledge of previous movement to propel oneself toward the future.
Simon May
also spoke on how all love is motivated by something we want and is in essence,
self-interested, as humans at their core are egoists. It is difficult to not be
an egoist when your thoughts are always spinning the wheel, perhaps that is the
road to maturity, learning to empathize with and understand other people’s
thoughts. Love cannot be solely self-interested thought because no two people
can fall and stay in love without reciprocity and compromise which requires the
inhibition of self-interest on behalf of our loved ones.
Simon May said that we
all have an idea of what we want from another individual in terms of love and when
we receive this, a force unleashes that makes us want to give back; an
explosion of altruism if you will. The shape of a hummingbird’s flap is on one
side, self-interest, and on the other, altruism. Hummingbird wings should be
the symbol for reciprocity and for love.
Of course love is not unconditional
and though we may fall in love with someone because they fulfill our needs at
the time, our needs and perspectives may change. I don’t think we should view
this as sad or that dating in general is vain. I believe we have something
valuable to learn from each individual we put time into, and if we aren’t
sensitive enough to respect and recognize the exchange of knowledge and
experiences, we shouldn’t be dating.
This is why I disagree with Maslow’s
hierarchy. I don’t think that Esteem should be the top tier before
self-actualization. I believe that we can’t truly understand or appreciate
aspects of ‘belongingness’ in love and relationships until we have fully
developed esteem capacities. If the two tiers were reversed our self-concepts
would be dependent on others and would implode upon dissolution of
relationships.
Perhaps love from family and love from friends/romantic
interests should be on different tiers. I think it is essential to receive
proper love and affection in a family setting to set the grounds for proper
self-concepts, but then these must be explored when the individual grows up
independently of friendships or romantic relationships. It is true that other
people teach us much about our own tendancies and inclinations because no two
people fit like puzzle pieces; those jagged grooves are what make us unique but
also allow us to recognize each human’s subjective experience. But I don’t
believe people can appreciate other’s jigsaw puzzles until we are completely
familiar, confident and accepting of our own.
Simon May also said that love is
something that grounds us, that in a way it shows us new sides of ourselves
through the other person, perhaps because we have to encompass their
self-concept to a degree and we take from then what we like or may not be so
good out ourselves. Love is an anchoring for our lives. Right now I want to
really work on a love for myself, the perceived and real self as one. I want to
love myself as a whole woman so I will receive whole love in return.
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