Impermanence

What does it mean to ‘have’ instead of to ‘be’? Our experiences are forever fleeting. Nothing is permanent and no matter how much we grasp, the sand will always slip through our fingers. Our time is a culmination of present moments. Impermanence is the only constant.

Lately I have been thinking about how so many of my struggles come from this age-old powerplay between perceived time and consciousness. It is becoming clearer to me that my urge to collect, take hold of, grab on for dear life—things, people, experience—instills a great fear of loss within me and jades my choices. The more I try to establish a grip, the quicker I am alluded.

Fully embracing this concept of impermanence means living with faith—faith that the universe will provide for me all that is necessary. And those that I love I have to set free.

It is an interesting thing in our culture, this concept of ‘having’ someone. I of course am alluding to romantic relationships in which you have metaphorically lassoed one another into a mutual contract supposedly to support growth, intimacy, and happiness in each other. It is no surprise when people in monogamous relationships report frustrations—no freedom, too much pressure, expectations are off, things aren’t what they used to be, this feels like emotional prison—because we are trying to grow in a soil tainted with fear.

How do we have relationships that support autonomy and passion alike? There isn’t a problem with passion, this is a gift—where we go wrong is when we kindle a fear of losing this euphoric feeling of belonging. For most women, myself included, infatuation is like a warhead candy—the sweet quickly turns sour once we start worrying about the void this magical drug is going to carve out in our brains and hearts. We habitually poison new wells because of a conditioned fear, internally and externally.

My tendency to want to ‘hold onto’ things in life inhibits me from experiencing fully, loving fully. If and when I surrender to the fact that everything is impermanent—that I can never truly have anything or anyone—I can build a life based on genuinely grounded content, there is an empowering freedom in that.